Reverse Vending Machine
by Retronym
Summary: A very stupid conversation escalates dramatically. Boredom truly is a terrifying beast. (If "Dumb" was a genre, this would be in there. A silly, stupid little story.)


**If the other things I've written were silly, this one might just make you lose brain cells. I'm sorry. Read at your own risk.**

Pit and Lucario were at the utmost level of boredom. Lucario was sitting at the couch and gazing into space with a glazed expression, and Pit was in a chair watching the fan blades spin around. It was one of those few days at the manor where simply nothing was happening. There was no energy, and everyone was just flopping around the place like a bunch of boneless chickens. Pit and Lucario hated such days, but sometimes there was not much you could do to take everyone out of their lethargic stupor.

As Pit watched the ceiling fan whir around for the billionth circuit, he had an utterly and completely random thought. "So what if," he said unexpectedly, "There was, like, a reverse vending machine, where you put in a bag of chips and money came out?"

Lucario turned his head slowly to face the angel. "That," he said, "Was _the stupidest thing_ I've _ever_ heard in my life."

"Psh," said Pit. "Someone's going to make one someday, you just wait."

"Or maybe you're just an idiot," suggested Lucario. "I think I lost brain cells listening to that."

"Impossible," said Pit. "You haven't got any to lose."

Lucario snorted. "Oh, you're one to talk! Tell me, how many times have you walked straight into that sliding glass door?"

"Uh, 27 at last count. But at least I'm not the one who shattered it during an argument last week."

"Psh, that was to prove my point in the debate."

"I thought it was just 'cause you were mad."

"That's not true. You wouldn't know anything about debating anyway, you suck at it."

"No I don't!"

"Prove it."

"How?"

"See?"

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"I hate you most."

"I hate you a million times more than that."

"I hate you a quadrillion times more than that."

"I hate you an infinite amount."

"I hate every single last fiber or your being to the shibbledetrillionth power."

"I'd hate you even if that was a number."

"I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you."

"…I'd hate you even if that made sense."

"I'd hate you even if you weren't right about that."

"I'd hate you even if you didn't use a bunch of confusing statements to tell how much you hate me."

"I'd hate you even if you weren't being a hypocrite."

"I'd hate you even if you weren't being a numbskull."

"Hey, you're a numbskull, numbskull."

"You're a total fool."

"You're a toaster."

"You're a reverse vending machine."

"Thank you."

"Let me rephrase that: you're the stupidest thing in the history of the universe."

"…So you're a reverse vending machine?"

"I see what you did there."

"Good for you, you stupid toaster."

"Why do you keep calling me a toaster?"

"I hate toasters."

"Wha- why?"

"They're stupid and confusing."

"You're the stupid one, how on earth are toasters confusing?"

"They just are. They all deserve to die in the Underworld."

"Toasters can't die, you idiot."

"They can if you unplug them."

"Shut up, you stupid chicken."

"Psh, you're just jealous."

"Of what? Your totally useless wings?"

"They are not useless!"

"Uh, yeah they are. You can't even fly with them. Well, they might taste pretty good with barbeque sauce, but…"

"That was uncalled for. You just wish you had thumbs."

"No I don't, thumbs are useless!"

"You want thumbs soooo bad! I know it! Lucario's in denial!"

"Shut up, chicken. You're the one who tried to fly by himself and fell off the roof."

"You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that!"

"I dunno, Pittoo and Palutena might find it pretty funny."

"If you tell them I'll tell Lucina about your _huge_ crush on her!"

"How'd you know about that?! Uh, I mean, I don't know what you're on about…"

"Lucario's in denial again!"

"Pit, shut up for once or so help me I will strangle you to death."

"No you won't!"

"Yeah I will! And I'll tell the others about you falling off the roof! And I'll also tell them about that time when Nana had an eggplant and you-"

"Shuuuuutup! You won't tell them because I am going to throw you off a cliff!"

"That's a good one!"

"What, you think I can't take you?"

"Uh, yeah, pretty much!"

"Wanna test that?"

"FinalDestinationnoitemsrightnow?!"

"Sure, that sounds amazing! I will destroy you, you stupid toaster!"

"Not if I destroy you first!"

"Uh…guys?" a new voice came from the doorway. Yoshi stood there, staring at the riled-up pair with his mouth open. "Uhm…what are you fighting about?"

"A reverse vending machine," informed Pit serenely.

"The dumbest idea ever," muttered Lucario.

"Don't listen to Lucario, he's just jealous."

"Am not."

"Are so!"

Yoshi sighed as they digressed. Friends and boredom, he reflected, should not be mixed in such a fashion. Especially with those two. What a couple of toasters.

**By the way, the toaster thing is a reference to another silly one-shot I made.**


End file.
